I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
operation have a gay friend backfired
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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