why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize