I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
