hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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