I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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