Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
