Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
