I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
