so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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