you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
