Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
