yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
