You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
