OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
When are your genitals available?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
