i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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