Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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