Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
