If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
