Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
