saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
