How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
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no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
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I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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