Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
We left an ass print on the piano.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
