I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
