Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
