Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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