He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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