He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
