There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
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She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
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New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Can you bring me the toilet please
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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