i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
