My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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