I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Randomize
