i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
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