The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
