I wanna bring you to show and tell
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
did i walk over a car last night?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
