i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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