you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Randomize
