I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I just gargled with NyQuil
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
