Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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