yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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