isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize