My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
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We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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