I wanna passion pit in your ass
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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