I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
