is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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