I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
