Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
