wakey wakey hands off snakey
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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