Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
