I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
