You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
