I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
