i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
