Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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