arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
