That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
