fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
