something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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