considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
