if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
