So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
