I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
