is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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