he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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