sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
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I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
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WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
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