when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I got inside last night via doggy door
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
