Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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