But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
