Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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