She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i think my tv is drunk
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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