The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
