It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
