I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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