Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
