Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Randomize
