I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
True but thats because hes a fetus.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize