Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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