btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
He passed out mid-signature
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
