there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Randomize
