Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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