is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Randomize
