I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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